May 19, 2005
Whoops
I just called up to cancel my home phone service using the line in question.
Customer Service Representative: All right then, I've put that into the computer and the line should be deactivated sometime today. Now I just need to...
Phone: *click*
Me: Ha ha! That sure was quick.
(And yes, the phone had just been shut off, it was not a disconnect or anything.)
Posted by illuminaria at 04:39 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2005
TV Unrealistic? Never.
Forensic classes give budding CSIs a reality check.In one hand, he holds a blood-smeared cotton swab over a beaker. In the other, he delicately clasps a dropper filled with a chemical solution.
Matthew Forneris pauses and looks to his forensic science professor for instructions. Very carefully, he's told, he must squeeze a drop of the liquid onto the tip of the swab.
But the college junior squeezes a bit too hard and the solution squirts onto the table, onto his hand -- everywhere but onto the swab.
"Whoops," Forneris mutters with a sheepish grin as the liquid dribbles down his fingers.
Professor Marilyn Miller gives him a sideways glance and says, "Did I tell you it was a carcinogen? No -- just kidding."
It's not exactly the slick and glamorous image of crime scene investigators portrayed on the "CSI" TV shows or "Crossing Jordan." But that's fine with Miller. The Virginia Commonwealth University professor began her career as a forensic scientist in 1979 -- long before it became trendy.
While such shows have boosted enrollment in forensic science classes nationwide, many in the field say they give budding crime scene investigators an unrealistic view of what the job is all about.
I have to say that I love CSI, but I have no illusions about its reality or lack thereof. I think anyone who has taken more than one chemistry lab class would be a fool to think otherwise. (If you want a better idea of the reality of forensics, watch the FBI Files on the Discovery Channel.)
My favorite thing on CSI is when they have a picture from some security camera that has an image of the suspect’s car where the license plate is about two pixels big, and they magically sharpen the image so that they can read the license.
I also really like the realistic morgue. Everything is all gray and dark, and they use super cool blue lights. The perfect environment for doing medical work, I’m sure. Also, the chambers for the bodies have translucent doors and there are blue lights inside the chamber so that you can see shadows of heads in each of them. (Unfortunately I was not able to find a picture of this, but believe me, it’s hilarious.) I’m sure the forensic budget for most police stations has a large chunk set aside for dramatic lighting.
Posted by illuminaria at 12:33 PM | Comments (0)
April 28, 2005
What Do Airports DO With All Those Scissors?
Why they sell them on Ebay of course.
Who doesn't want to buy 35 pounds of plastic handled scissors? They would go wonderfully with your global warming mugs and Easter Island tissue dispenser.
Seriously though, I bet this is a great deal for schools and such. I just want to know why there's not any stashes of fingernail clippers there.
Posted by illuminaria at 11:13 PM | Comments (0)
April 25, 2005
Global Warming Merchandising
This weekend my friend and me were looking through one of her goofy gift catalogues and came across this item.
Global Warming Mugs
Fill it with a hot beverage and watch the coastlines disappear. When the mug cools off, the coastlines will reappear. Sure to start a conversation, share this set of two 12 oz. ceramic mugs with a friend.
Nice to know that not everyone is taking global warming quite so seriously. Unfortunately, the picture that was in the catalogue is not on the webpage, so you can’t see how much coastline disappears.
While you’re at it, check out this gift.
For centuries, the giant stone statues on Easter Island have puzzled archaeologists and explorers. The tallest one still standing is about 37' high. Considerably smaller and, let’s face it, more practical, our resin tissue holder sits flat or mounts on a wall. Fits standard-size tissue boxes.
I think I'm going to die laughing. I'm sure the practitioners of the ancient religion on Easter Island would be glad to know that replicas of their solemn stone statues are now dispensing tissue through their nose.
Posted by illuminaria at 04:32 PM | Comments (0)
Italian Poodles Cheer, Move Focus to France
You know, whenever I see an animal with one of those ridiculous poodle haircuts, I wonder why PETA isn't jumping in there with accusations of animal abuse. Well, apparently in Italy they have finally realized the great detriment to society of allowing such ridiculousness and made steps to get the law involved.
Dog owners in Turin will be fined up to $650 if they don't walk their pets at least three times a day, under a new law from the city's council.People will also be banned from dyeing their pets' fur or "any form of animal mutilation" for merely aesthetic motives such as docking dogs' tails, under the law about to be passed in the northern Italian city.
"In Turin it will be illegal to turn one's dog into a ridiculous fluffy toy," the city's La Stampa daily reported.
My question is why we are stopping with dogs? Why aren’t there laws prohibiting parents from dressing twins in identical clothing or putting their infant sons in sailor outfits?
More at Say Anything and Ravenwood's Universe
Posted by illuminaria at 02:00 PM | Comments (1)
April 20, 2005
Missed Opportunity for Pope Clinton
Given the news media's focus on the Catholic church's "missed opportunity" for a progressive pope, which Wizbang sagely predicted yesterday, this story is quite funny.
While much of the world awaits smoke-signals from the Vatican cardinals selecting a new pope, New York Rep. Peter King joked Tuesday about a dark horse candidate for the vacant position: Hillary Rodham Clinton.King, a sometimes maverick within his own Republican Party, praised and poked fun at New York's junior senator when they both appeared at a breakfast of construction union officials.
"Maybe we can elect Hillary Clinton pope. God knows what she's running for," joked King, to roars from the crowd.
Hillary responded by denying that she was considering running for president and was instead focused on her upcoming 2006 Senate run, but if elected would be taking the name "Pope Progressivo." Meanwhile in a campaign email, she used the mention of the "right-wing Catholic attack-machine" to appeal for more funds.
(Check out the Hillary Watch catagory for more stuff Hillary Clinton has been up to.)
Posted by illuminaria at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2005
Who Said Religion and Science Were Contradictory?
Check out this story.
Students re-enact Red Sea crossing -- with wineStudent engineers sent their gadgets whirring, spinning and buzzing across a pool of water Wednesday in a competition to re-enact the biblical Jewish crossing of the Red Sea and pour a ceremonial glass of wine -- all without anyone touching anything.
The Technion, Israel's leading technical university, hosted the tongue-in-cheek competition with real prizes, a way of tickling the imaginations of budding engineers while providing a laugh or two along the way.
Sounds like fun. Goodness knows engineering like to do quirky things, like the concrete canoe contest and such.
The special contraptions had to cross a three-meter (10-foot) distance with pool of water representing the Red Sea in the middle, pour wine into a glass and place it on the far side.
But come on guys! I’m pretty sure the Red Sea was wider than 10 feet.
Posted by illuminaria at 07:54 PM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2005
The Death-Camp of Religious Tolerance
Yesterday at Wizbang, Jay Tea wrote an uninformed, but somewhat funny piece on the Mormon practice on baptizing the dead. It’s prompted a somewhat hysterical discussion between all sorts of people, from suprised Mormons to lapsed Catholics to offended Jews.
It’s kind of interesting to see such a generally conservative bunch of folks that are typically dismissive of the PC culture all getting so offended because so-and-so is being “intolerant.” It reminds me of this South Park episode.
In that vein, here are the Death-Camp Of Religious Tolerance rules
1. No one is allowed to pray for, baptize posthumously, say a Mass for, or otherwise do anything religious for anyone without the express permission of the person, or if they are dead, their entire family.
2. No one is allowed to politely ask someone to not pray for, baptize posthumously, say a Mass for, or otherwise do anything religious for them or a deceased family member.
3. No one is allowed to say that any part of anyone else’s religion is wrong or by publicly asserting that an opposing doctrine is true, imply that any part of anyone else’s religion is wrong.
4. No one is allowed to say that anyone else is going to hell, or going to be reincarnated as a bug for that matter.
5. No one is allowed to try to convert someone else, no matter how inauspiciously.
6. No one is allowed to tell anyone that they don’t want to convert into their religion because they think it is wrong.
7. No one is allowed to criticize any act, no matter how despicable, if it was motivated in any way by religion, unless that religion is unpopular in the current culture.
8. No one is allowed to make a joke about anyone else’s religion.
9. No one that considers themselves to be “______” is allowed to say another person or group is not “______”, no matter how different their beliefs are.
10. No one is allowed to point out inconsistencies in anyone else’s religion unless that religion is currently unpopular in the current culture.
11. No one is allowed to criticize the actions of any religious group that has experienced persecution, especially if that criticism is directed towards a direct descendant of someone who directly experienced that persecution.
Yes, mein Führer. Ve are making the prisoners make macaroni pictures that illustrate [people from different religions in heaven holding hands and singing.]
(Note: I'm an ex-Mormon, current Christian, for those who are interested.)
In a similar vein, Mormons will be sure to enjoy this post. I just laughed more than I did all last week.
Update: Poor Jay Tea finally got sick of the topic. I don't blame him, things were getting pretty hysterical. It's amazing how defensive people get when you talk about religion (and yes, this includes you, athiests.)
Posted by illuminaria at 06:36 PM | Comments (3)
March 07, 2005
Russell Crowe: Cultural Stabilizer?
Michelle Malkin has a link up to a very weird story today. Apparently in 2001 the FBI warned Russell Crowe that al-Qaida was looking to kidnap him as part of a "cultural destabilisation plan."
I never realized that Russell Crowe was a cultural stabilizer. At the time he was nominated for an Academy Award, but still...it's not like he's a John Wayne or anything.
I can actually see why al-Qaida would want to kidnap a star. The incident would get a lot more press attention than some of the other kidnappings have.
This was before 9-11. Perhaps al-Qaida was planning to coordinate their Russell Crowe plan at the same time.
They should have kidnapped Barbara Streisand or Michael Moore. It would been a big time-saver. It wouldn't have been necessary to spend any time on torture, as Barbara and Mike would have been willing to say anti-American slogans at the beginning.
Check out Ace of Spades' take.
Posted by illuminaria at 04:24 PM | Comments (0)
November 18, 2004
Deer - Nearly as Smart as Fish.
Seen today in the USA Today:Posted by illuminaria at 06:47 PM | Comments (1)